The Air I Breathe
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: A collection of missing scenes and alternate endings from 'well, bless my soul.'
1. Night Light

_AN: So, I can't believe that THIS is all I have ready to post in honor of premiere night, but alas, it is the sad truth. The alternate ending for 'well, bless my soul' (which will also go into this collection) isn't ready yet and neither is the next chapter of Queen of Hearts or my Halloween story or the next part of my Damon Salvatore/Ruby/Dean story so...this is all I got. And I can't just NOT post something in honor of tonight's episode. I have a feeling it's going to be epic. So...yeah. This is all I have for you. On the bright side, if you read it after tonight's episode it might cheer you up because I have a dreadful feeling that the eppy is going to be an angstfest._

_But I am excited about this collection. Basically, it's a collection of missing scenes from 'well, bless my soul' along with an alternate ending that I am working hard on getting done before October. If you don't know what 'well, bless my soul' is, it was a story of mine that I wrote that was a very AU Dean/Ruby story that spanned the entire length of SPN seasons 1 through 5. And there is just so many things that could have happened in the story that I never got a chance to touch on, so...I started this collection. So far a lot of the missing scenes are very episode specific and I even have a few Ruby-centric prequels to the story. Anyway, I really need to stop rambling now. It's just if you haven't read 'well, bless my soul' the stories in this collection are not going to make a lick of sense to you._

_Anyway, enjoy this short, wacky 'well, bless my soul' missing scene. Other missing scenes in this collection will not be as wacky or as short as this one is. I promise._

_The main title of this collection is also from ''Say (All I Need)'' by OneRepublic._

* * *

**The Air I Breathe**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

**Title:**_ Night Light  
_**Summary: **Under the influence of yellow fever, Dean makes a phone call.  
**Genre:** Humor/Drama  
**Rating:** K+  
**Timeline:** Season four.  
**Spoilers:** 4.06; Yellow Fever.  
**Warnings:** None.  
**Notes: **So...this one is just a wacky Yellow Fever tag that I couldn't resist writing. But I am working on the alternate ending and it's about halfway finished so expect that sometime relatively soon.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything.

* * *

_Night Light_

* * *

The unpleasant sound of the phone ringing tears her out of her peaceful slumber and she groans, burying her face in her pillow. A few colorful phrases slip through her dry lips as she rolls over and pushes herself onto her elbows, blindly reaching for the phone. Her first instinct it to throw it across the room and go back to sleep. Evidently, she answers it instead. ''I hate you,'' is her groggy, cheerful greeting to whoever has dared to disturb her sleep. She is a single mother with a five year old son, a full time job and a Winchester for a...whatever he is to her. Boyfriend? Partner? Friend with benefits?

Oh, that's a way too complicated thing to be thinking about while she's tired and cranky. The point is, her life is exhausting and when she has a day off and Wyatt's at school she wants one of two things. Sleep or sex. And since Dean's not here, she_ had _been looking forward to a nap. It's tiring to be her, okay?

_''Do you lock your doors?''_

She squints into the darkness of the room, the closed curtains blocking out the noon sun and she brings a hand to her forehead. ''Dean?''

_''Ruby, this is serious. We have no time for - oh. Yes, hi. It's Dean. Do you lock your doors?''_

She pauses briefly and clears her scratchy throat. ''Have you been drinking?''

_''Actually, I've decided to quit drinking. Do you know what excessive drinking does to your liver? It's frightening. Also, there could be a chance I'm an alcoholic. What do you suppose I do about that? AA? Therapy? Hypnotism? Oh, no. I don't want to be hypnotized. I could be forced to kill people. But...yes. I've been drinking. I don't see your point. Do you lock your doors?''_

She holds the phone away from her ear and frowns at it. Great. He's drunk. Drunk and...possibly high? Well, something weird is going on here. ''This is what you woke me up for?''

_''Can you just answer the question please?''_

''Oh, for the love of...Yes,'' she sighs, rubbing at her tired eyes. ''I lock my doors.''

_''What about windows?''_

''Closed and locked all night.''

_''Do you always have salt in the house?''_

She sinks back into the covers, eyes shutting involuntarily. ''Mmmhmm.''

_''You don't smoke, do you?''_

''No.''

_''And you have a carbon monoxide alarm and a smoke alarm?''_

''Mmmhmm.''

_''Kitchen knives. Are they out of Wyatt's reach? Maybe you should switch to plastic.''_

''Uh...Dean...this is getting a little - ''

_''You're an artist. You don't breathe in too many paint fumes, do you? What about Wyatt? Paints are out of his reach, right? Ruby, he could get into your paints and EAT them. Oh my GOD...'' _His voice sounds panicked and she can hear his breathing speed up on the other line, like he's about to have some kind of panic attack.

Opening her eyes, she pushes herself back into a sitting position, now feeling wide awake and both concerned and amused. ''Dean, he's five. Not two.''

_''What if an easel falls on him and traps him underneath?''_

''Well, that'd be...wacky.''

_''Do you run background checks on your friends?''_

''No.''

_''You should. What about Wyatt's friends?''_

''Do I run background checks on...a bunch of five year olds? Um, no.''

_''What about their parents? What if he's hanging around with a bunch of kids that have wacked out parents? Junkies, convicts, people who like BRITNEY SPEARS! I don't think he should go to the playground anymore. Some of those thingamabobs can really hurt a kid, you know. A-And germs. Oh, the GERMS! Ruby, it is a very dangerous world out there and you should always hold his hand and watch out for ceiling fires and look both ways before you cross the street and is he being bullied? He might not tell you if he's being bullied 'cause he's a tough cookie but statistics show that a lot of serial killers had some kind of significant trauma in their younger lives. And being bullied is a trauma. Does he wear sunscreen? He should. Sun causes cancer. Also, I don't think you should leave the house after dark. There are dangers around every freaking corner.'' _

He's gasping for air by the time he's finally finished talking and she can hear him muttering panicked sounding curses and ''oh my gods'' and its official. He has lost his damn mind. She pulls the phone away from her ear, looks at it for a long time and still can't figure out what to say. At last, she settles for an incredulous. ''What is _wrong _with you?''

_''You know, Wyatt's allergic to mushrooms,''_ he says in response. _''You should make sure to tell everyone that so they know.''_

''...Riiiight. So...clearly something is very wrong here.''

_''Hey, did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld with the kid who lived in a bubble? Not an all around bad idea.''_

''Okay, you did _not_ just suggest turning my son into a bubble boy.''

_''I don't think he should watch TV anymore either. Too much violence. I mean, have you seen some of those cartoons? There's the guy who walks around hunting bunnies and someone's always getting hit with an anvil or running off a cliff. Cartoons are NOT suited for children, Ruby. Oh! He shouldn't read books either.''_

_''Dean!'' _Another voice joins in on the craziness, but even Sam's obvious frustration doesn't deter Dean.

_''And he sleeps with a night light, right? Because sometimes nightmares can lead to psychological conditions and - hey! Sam! What are you doing? Let go! Are you evil? You're evil, aren't you?''_

_''I told you not to bother her!''_

_''Oh, stuff it, Sam! I need to make sure they're safe!''_

_''Let go of the phone, Dean.''_

_''You let go!'' _There's a series of muffled grunts and thuds and then there's a crash, followed by Dean's frightened and quite offended yelp. _''You pushed me! What if I had hit my head? I could have had an aneurysm and DIED!''_

_''Ruby?'' _

Sam's voice rings out loud and clear and honestly, it takes her a moment to say anything back because her mouth is hanging open and she cannot come up with one logical reason for Dean's paranoia. What the fuck is going on? Has his life finally caught up to him? Oh, geez, has he had some sort of nervous breakdown? ''Sam?''

_''Uh...hi. So...''_ He sounds sheepish and she can just imagine him fidgeting uncomfortably and wincing. _''How's your day going?''_

_''Ruby!'' _Dean's voice calls out. _''You're on birth control, right? Because Winchesters have very powerful little swimmers - ''_

_''Dean!'' _Sam's voice is loud is enough that she has to hold the phone away from her ear with a grimace. _''I will tape your mouth shut. I swear I will.''_

''Sam, what _the hell _is going on?'' She bursts out. ''What's wrong with him?''

_''It's a long story,'' _Sam sighs.

''So shorten it.''

_''Ruby - ''_

''Explain, Sam. Now.'' Hopefully, he's smart enough to know that when she uses that tone of voice, she means business. That's her Mama Bear voice. And nobody messes with the Mama Bear voice. Well, nobody sane anyway. Dean has been known to challenge her on occasion. But he's not exactly sane, is he? That's painfully apparent right now.

_''Dean was infected with...something and he's just a little scared right now.''_

Way to be vague. ''Is he scared because he was infected or was he infected with something that makes him scared?''

_''At this point? I'm thinkin' it might be kinda both.''_

She sighs heavily and brings a hand to her forehead. ''Okay, well...is he going to be all right?''

_''Yeah, he'll be...he'll be fine.''_

''Are you sure?''

He hesitates. He hesitates and that's enough for her to worry. _''I should get back to him.''_

She draws in a breath and swallows hard. Suddenly this situation is a whole lot less amusing and a whole lot more scary. _''Sam!''_ Dean's voice makes her jump, the fear hiding in his voice unmistakable. It doesn't make her any less worried.

''What's wrong?'' She asks before she can stop herself.

_''I don't know. Probably another spider. Look, I'll have him call you back when he's...less inclined to have a panic attack, okay?''_

She tries to smile and find the humor in the situation. ''Yeah. Thanks. You two be careful.''

_''Aren't we always? I'll see you, Ruby. Just try not to worry. Everything will be fine.''_

When she ends the call before Dean can call out another plea for his brother, she sighs and sinks back into the pillows, heaving a sigh. Sometimes she really hates this. Sometimes she really hates his job and all the fear and anxiety that come with it. She hates lying in bed at night wondering he he's hurt or bleeding or if he's even still alive. She just got him back. She can't lose him again. Sometimes it really sucks being a hunter's...whatever she is. There's fear all the time when you're with a Winchester.

Shaking her head, she tries to clear the worry from her mind and lays back down, closing her eyes. But his rambles have gotten to her and it only takes her a few minutes to realize she will not be getting back to sleep. ''Damn it, Dean,'' she snarls, stumbling out of bed. Muttering under her breath about stupid Winchesters and their stupid paranoia, she stomps out of the room and goes to make sure Wyatt's night light still works.

* * *

When he's all cured and ready to exact revenge on that stupid fucking _evil_ cat that made him scream like a little girl, you'd better believe he gets an earful from Ruby. After all, nobody messes with the Mama Bear when she's hibernating for the sole purpose of making her a paranoid mess of nerves and changing her from the cool mom everyone wants to the weird mom who keeps hand sanitizer in her purse and embarrasses her son on the playground by giving his friend's parents the Spanish Inquisition.

That's just _wrong._

**end**

* * *

**AN: It's almost embarrassing that this was all I had ready to post on the epic premiere night. Oh, well. While I have your attention, does anyone have any ideas for missing scenes from this story? I have a whole list of little oneshot missing scenes that I want to write, but if there's anything that anyone wants to see let me know. Even other alternate endings. Is there anything that didn't happen in 'well, bless my soul' that you wish would have happened? Let me know.**


	2. maybe you can stop tomorrow part I

_So, this was the way the story was originally supposed to go. However, about halfway through I scrapped my original plans because it just didn't exactly feel right for the way the story was going. But the idea always kind of stuck with me so I decided to write the original ending. Now, this is only part one of the alternate ending because it got SO FREAKING LONG and I'm about halfway through part two, but I'm not sure when exactly it'll be up because there is some family drama going on in my life and Real Life kind of has to take first priority right now. But I am hoping to have part two up at least sometime this month._

_Also, happy early birthday to me. I'm turning 17 tomorrow so there's some more craziness to add to the craziness that is my life._

_Without further rambling from the crazy author, here is the alternate ending!_

_

* * *

_

**The Air I Breathe**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

_

* * *

_

**Title:**_ maybe you can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
_**Summary: **An alternate ending to 'well, bless my soul.' In which Dean and Ruby embark on the greatest adventure of their lives during his last year.  
**Genre:** Romance/Drama.  
**Rating:** T for language.  
**Timeline:** Throughout season three.  
**Spoilers:** Spoilers up to season four.  
**Warnings:** Language is pretty much all I can think of to warn for.  
**Notes:** Title is a line from _Broken_ by Lifehouse.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything.

* * *

_maybe you can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time_

_

* * *

_

He wants_ everything _too much.

That's the way the story goes. He wants it all. He says normal is overrated, but he dreams of white picket fences and blue skies and a life so beautiful and so far away. He never really thought he'd get it all. That life was just a dream. Something close enough to touch, but not something he'd ever have. Until he met Ruby and Wyatt and those carefully made plans to stay away and not get too close to people were thrown out the window of the Impala, paper maps blowing away in the wind. The truth is, it's impossible not to fall in love with Ruby Daniels and it's impossible not to want everything with her.

For awhile there, he thought..._maybe someday_. You know? Maybe someday he could get out and go to her. Maybe someday he could have it all. He shouldn't have, but for awhile...yeah, he thought one day...one day he could have something real.

But now the clock ticks and it's so loud and the goddamn pages of the calendar begin to fly away like ripping the wings off a butterfly and he'll_ never _be able to touch that life. He'll never even get a taste. He sees fire and ashes and blood and bones when he closes his eyes and he tries, but he can't hold time in his hands. He thinks about everything he could have had more than he should. Children he'll never meet, vows he'll never say, occasions he won't see happen, things he _won't_ leave behind...a legacy he does not have.

It makes him wonder what this life means. Sure, there's Sam, Ruby, Wyatt, and his car, but...God. What is that? In the end, he never had all of Ruby and someday she'll move on to someone who will get every last piece of her. Wyatt isn't his son, a car is just a car and Sam...Sam will be better off without him. He's sure of that. So, fuck, what's he got to leave behind besides imaginary ashes of a life he never got the chance to live? _That's _what he thinks about. That's what he regrets when the lights go out at night and everything is quiet and still and Sam _breathes_ in the bed next to his. That's what he wants so badly to change.

But everything is about to change and maybe he doesn't know it just yet, but his story is about to be rewritten.

* * *

It changes when he tells Ruby.

They're sitting outside on the steps of her house with Sam at some flea bag motel and Wyatt spending the night at her uncle's and to be honest, it's entirely possible that the beer in their system has taken its toll because the choices they are about to make are reckless and crazy. It's crazy, it's reckless, it's irrational, it's stupid and it is so freaking selfish it's not even funny.

''Dean, come on...'' Slightly less tipsy, she sighs, pinches her lips together and sends him a sidelong glance through her eyelashes. Which, among other things, makes him want to kiss those eyes and tell her everything he keeps inside. ''Of course you have a legacy,'' she says logically. ''You have Sam.''

He takes another swallow of alcohol and leans back so he can see the stars. ''Sam is Dad's legacy, Ruby. And he'll be the only legacy Dad has once I'm gone. I won't take that away.''

She clutches at his arm, looking at him with those sad eyes of hers that he loves so damn much. ''Dean...''

''I've wasted my life,'' he says quietly. Apparently, drunk Dean has quite the self-loathing personality. When he's sober, he'll definitely see that as a character flaw. ''Ruby..._Fuck_...I could have had so much.'' No, his voice does not crack. It doesn't. There's just something in his throat, that's all. ''I could've had you. We could've had a family. And now I...I never will.'' He doesn't regret it. Not for a second. It's Sam. It's _Sammy_. He'd do anything for that kid. Anything. But there's an ache in his chest these days and he's allowed to grieve for himself, isn't he? Doesn't he at least deserve that?

''Hey,'' her voice is firm but it shakes and when she grabs his face and meets his eyes, he sees the way her eyes shine in the starlight. ''You have me. You have me, all right? You've always had me. Now, stop this. Stop this, Dean, because this...'' She shakes her head sadly. ''This isn't you.''

''Ruby,'' he whispers hoarsely and he somehow manages to successfully convince himself that he's definitely not crying. He's _drunk_, okay? That's. All. ''Everyone will forget me.''

''No.'' She shakes her head again, adamant yet crying and he must be positively _hammered _because all he can think is that she looks beautiful when she cries. ''Nobody...could ever forget you.''

Their eyes lock and hold, like always and she looks at him like he's everything to her and then she kisses him hard on the lips. He kisses her back because she's Ruby and she tastes like a forever he won't have and how could he not? But there is something unspoken residing in her kiss and it's something incredibly powerful. It's something that almost scares him. He pulls away from her, breathing heavily as she rests her forehead against his and refuses to pull away. ''What are you doing?'' He whispers roughly.

''Honestly?'' Her voice is breathless and her hands move down his chest slowly and even after all this time, she still makes him shiver. ''I have no idea.''

But then she kisses him again and he forgets what it's like to not be kissing her. It's only when her fingers clutch at his shirt and he tastes her desperation like the salt of her tears that he realizes what's going on. He pulls away from her again, searching her eyes carefully. ''Ruby...''

She manages a weak smile, touching his cheek lightly. ''Something to leave behind,'' she whispers.

And this time, when she kisses him, he doesn't pull away.

Oh.

_...Oh._

Well, yeah, this could certainly change things.

* * *

The darkened bedroom is calm and quiet, the moonlight streaming in through the open window, the curtains swaying in the soft, still warm breeze. Abruptly, the peaceful silence is broken when the door crashes open and two people stumble in, attached at the lips with their hands eagerly clawing at each other's clothes. They're drunk and they're selfish and no, there is nothing sane about this scenario. She draws away from him first, ripping his shirt open because _clearly_ alcohol and lust have affected her and she does not have time to work _buttons_. ''I'll fix that later,'' she promises with a kind of feral looking grin.

'' 'Kay.'' He grabs her around the waist, shutting her up with his lips as he turns her around and steers her towards the bed. Her shirt is tugged over her head and his lips trail kisses down her throat, fingers snaking their way up towards the clasp of her bra.

For a fleeting second, before they both completely lose themselves, sense returns and they both seem to realize that they've _gone nutty_. ''Wait,'' she breathes, pushing at his chest. ''Wait...Dean...this...this probably isn't a good idea. I mean, th-this is crazy.''

''Right,'' he nods and clears his throat, taking a step away from her. ''You're right.''

The next moment is tense and awkward and then the tingles, the want, the need, the inebriation...it all gets worse and worse until they just can't take it anymore. ''Screw it,'' she says. ''That's never stopped me before.''

He nods again, this time a little more excitedly. ''Me either.''

And then they decide logic and sense really has no place in the bedroom.

It's fucking selfish and it's fucking stupid. Somewhere in the backs of their lust addled minds, they know that. Even as they're hastily tearing clothes away and entangling themselves in each other, they know that this will change everything.

The thing is...neither of them really gives a damn right now.

* * *

Drunk it's _we have to do this._ Sober it's _what the hell have we done?_

In a move that is both unsurprising and quite dickish, he sneaks out in the morning before she wakes up. Yes, he's perfectly aware that he's an asshole, thank you very much. Strangely? That is not his biggest concern at the moment. His biggest concern is the growing panic attack that's lurking around the corner. It's not that he _wants_ to leave her. He never_ wants _to leave her. It's that he knows what they've done and the possible consequences scare him shitless. So, naturally, he does what he does best.

He runs like a scared little boy.

After practically dragging an extremely cranky Sam out of bed and tossing him in the shower, he steps on the gas and doesn't allow himself to think about what he's done until he is safely on the highway, driving away from drunken and desperate actions. Holy shit. What the hell was he thinking? He can't possibly ask her to...No. No way. It's not fair. It's not fair to either of them. He's going to die. He's going to _die_, for fuck's sake! He can't be thinking about...

''Dean.''

He's torn out of his reverie by the sound of his brother's voice and Sam's doing that little sigh thing that tells him he is feeling both bitchy and concerned. That's when Dean notices his breathing is slightly labored and his hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles have gone white. His day is not off to a good start. First of all, Sam's looking at him with those big, worried puppy dog eyes of his that have a tendency to see right through Dean's bullshit. Second of all, his head is fucking pounding. Third of all, he's a jackass and is currently acting like a freaked out teenage boy who runs from his problems instead of facing them head on like a mature adult.

A curse slips through his lips and his grip on his emotions begin to fall away. A moment passes and then he can't breathe. With another frenzied curse, he hits the steering wheel in frustration and pulls the car over to the side of the road so he can have his little panic attack without damaging his car.

''Uh, Dean - ''

Completely ignoring his brother's confused murmur of his name, the elder Winchester climbs out of the car and takes in a few much needed gulps of air.

Sam, as expected, follows. ''Dean - ''

''I'm fine!''

''_Clearly_, that's a gigantic lie.''

''No, it's not!''

''...Dude, your eyes are going in two different directions.''

Dean's hands clap over his eyes and he blindly shoots a scowl towards his brother. ''Shut up.'' Then he turns away from Sam so he can have his breakdown in peace.

See, here's the thing...here's his dirty little secret; it's not the possible consequences of their drunken actions that scare the crap out of him. No, what really shakes him down to his core is the fact that even though he knows this is fucking insanity...he still wants it. He wants it so badly even though he knows that this is a whole hell of a lot to ask of someone. Even though he knows that this isn't fair to her and it will only make things harder for him when his time is up. But he can't help it. He wants it all so much it hurts. This is his _last _chance. A shaky sigh escapes his lips and he rakes a hand through his hair, trying to breathe properly.

For a long time, Sam just stands there, regarding his brother without saying a word. Finally, Dean gives up, sighing and throwing a look over his shoulder. Sam seems to get the message (the message being _hurry up and ask your damned questions, kid_), taking a small step forwards. ''Dean...talk to me, man. What's going on? Did something happen between you and Ruby?''

Understatement of the century.

Dean remains silent, turned away from his brother because he can't bring himself to look him in the eye.

''Dean - ''

''I had unprotected sex, Sam!'' Dean whirls around to glare at his brother with wild eyes and a building pressure in his chest. ''I had unprotected sex with Ruby because I'm an idiot, okay?''

Sam blinks and stares at him for an excruciatingly long moment. And then he actually has the gall to smirk. ''And is this...something new for you?'' Instead of reacting logically, Dean reacts emotionally. He punches Sam in the face before he has a chance to think about it because...is that really what his own brother thinks of him? To his credit, Sam doesn't hit back, reacting with a mere sigh and a dry, ''ow'' as he rubs his jaw.

''Do you really think that little of me?'' Dean bursts out.

''I was just checking!''

''You're an ass.''

''You need to calm the fuck down. You're acting very erratic right now and if you don't shut up and _just breathe_ for a second, you're going to need a paper bag soon.''

''Oh, you don't understand!''

''Understand what?''

''It wasn't an accident!'' Yeah, so...Dean's pretty darn sure he's losing his grip on sanity right now. There are words bubbling in his throat and Sam's looking at him with wide eyes and he just...he just left her. He's left a lot of girls the morning after but never _her_ and it makes him feel like crap. It's not a feeling he enjoys. ''It's not like we just got drunk and forgot to use protection, all right? I mean, okay, we were a little drunk but that's not...we meant to, Sam. We meant to be careless and reckless because I...I wanted...'' He trails off, shaking his head. ''I'm an idiot,'' he rasps out. ''A selfish idiot. How can I...How can I do that to her? How can I ask her to...?'' Turning around, he braces himself against his car and the guilt eats away at him because...because he wants something that will not only make dying fifty times harder, it will make her life fifty times harder. Sam's too. It would make everyone's lives harder.

And he_ still wants it_.

''Fuck!'' He snaps then and kicks at the tires, teeth clenched in frustration. He really must be losing his mind. He just invoked violence on the Impala. And that's just not right. His eyes flick over to Sam and his lips twist into a frown. ''Are you going to say anything?''

Sam shakes his head and leans against the car. ''What do you want me to say? You want me to say this isn't fair to her? Or to you? To me? You want me to say you're being a selfish dick? Because...you know what? That all may be true, but this is not a situation where I can tell you what to do. This is pretty much up to you two.''

''Well, that's very unhelpful! Sam, I'm dying! I am _going to die_. I can't just go around impregnating chicks left and right?''

''...Okay, there are so many things wrong with that statement.''

The shrill chirp of a cell phone startles both brothers. With an audible groan, Dean fumbles for his phone, swallowing back a nervous sigh when he sees her name on the screen. And suddenly he's very, very tired. He's already grimacing as he flips his phone open, answering with a hesitant, ''Hey.''

His anxiety was not unfounded.

_''You're a fucking bastard, you know that?''_

He flinches and has to hold the phone away from his ear. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sam wince at her volume. Dean pinches the bridge of his nose, positive his head is about to explode. ''Yeah, I know.''

_''You can't just...You can't just leave, Dean! If we're going to do this, you're going to need to grow the hell up! Moron!''_

''Whoa, back up.'' He steps away from Sam in an attempt to keep the conversation private. Which obviously won't work considering the Winchester brothers are both champion eavesdroppers. ''You actually want to do this? Are you...Are you serious?''

There's a long pause where he's sure she's reconsidering, but when she speaks her voice is confident and fearless. _''I'm dead serious, Dean.''_

He swallows hard and closes his eyes, idly wondering if he has any aspirin somewhere. ''Right,'' he says at last. ''One question; have you _lost_ your mind?''

_''I thought this was what you wanted!''_

''Ruby, I can't ask you to do this just because I want - ''

_''This isn't just about you!''_ She bursts out. He hesitates, taking in a few deep breaths, waiting for her to continue 'cause he is not in any shape to be talking right now. _''Listen,'' _her voice is softer and it hides a certain form of sadness that he hates because he knows he's the reason for it. _''Did you ever think that maybe you're not the only one who wants this? Dean, this...whatever it is that we've been doing...it means something to me. And...And this isn't really something I wanted to come out over the phone, but I'm in love with you. I always will be. I know you know that. And now you're...you're going to die and we won't get to do all of those things I've been waiting to do with you and I just know that you can't just be...gone. I can't lose all of you. I need there to be something left, okay? I need something of yours to hold onto. Don't you understand that?'' _Her voice is cracked and broken and a black cloud hangs over both of their heads like a ticking time bomb. He isn't sure what he's supposed to say here and when he tries, his voice gets lost somewhere in his throat. _''I need you to be with me, Dean. Always.''_

''Hey,'' he barely even realizes what he's saying because he can still hear her fractured voice in his head and it kills him. ''Don't do that. You know I hate it when you cry.''

On the other line, she sniffles and he can practically hear her blinking and shaking away tears. _''Dean, just listen to me, all right? This...What we're...it's not that crazy, is it?''_

He chuckles dryly. ''It's not?''

_''If this was all over, if you got to live a real life with picket fences and kids and green grass, who would you live it with?''_

It's a big question, but it's not a question he's had to think about for awhile. ''You,'' he answers without hesitation. Once upon a time, he saw a life with Cassie. These days, he can't remember what he saw when he was with her. And since then, every once and awhile something in a girl would catch his attention. Some kind of fire, some kind of spark that draws him in. But ever since that day in the snow, everything has always come back to Ruby. He can't quite pinpoint the exact moment he figured it out. Actually, that's a lie. He knows exactly when it happened. Years ago, after his father joined them on a hunt for vampires and decided they worked better as a family; he had attempted to act like a normal father who was interested in his son's personal lives for about five minutes. And that was how he found out about Ruby and Wyatt. Dean still isn't sure if it was something his father said or something he said, but he knows that was the moment he knew.

That was the moment he decided she was it for him.

''It's always going to be you,'' he says softly. ''You know that.''

_''Then why is this crazy? Hmm? We're just doing what we should've gotten the chance to do.''_

''Ruby,'' he draws in a breath, holds it and runs a hand over his tired face. ''I don't want to make your life harder.''

_''Newsflash, Winchester, life is hard. Deal with it.''_

''Yeah, I get that,'' he resists the urge to sigh again, instead settling for rolling his eyes. ''But we're talking about you being a single mother to two kids under the age of ten. You'll be alone, Ruby. I don't want you to be - ''

''She won't be alone.''

Dean whirls around to face his brother, biting back a comment about eavesdropping.

''I'm not going anywhere,'' Sam continues earnestly. ''If she needs help after you...'' He trails off, clearing his throat uncomfortably. ''I'll be there.''

_''There you go,''_ Ruby says like the choice has already been made. _''I'm in. Sam's in. Seems like it's all up to you, babe. What's it gonna be?''_

Well, hell.

Dean weighs his options for a minute, torn between the sane course of action and everything he wants. In the end, he does what Dean Winchester has always done best. He thinks with his heart. ''Well,'' he clears his throat and a small smile works its way across his lips. ''I guess we're having a baby.''

* * *

Everything comes to a screeching halt when Ruby doesn't get pregnant right away.

Logically, he knows that sometimes these things take time, but it's not like he's got a whole fuckload of time to waste. Plus, that egotistical part of his brain is telling him that he's Dean freaking Winchester and he really should be able to get it done the first time. What really worries him is that it'll give her time to change her mind. To realize that this is too crazy and too much work and they should just stop while they still can.

But instead of backing out after seeing the negative pregnancy test, she just shrugs, throws it away and puts a hand on her hip. ''Guess we'll just have to try harder then.'' Yeah, she's amazing. He's actually shocked. He'd actually managed to convince himself that she would back out. She seems to read his mind, smiling softly as she leans against the doorframe. ''You seem surprised.''

From his seat perched on the edge of the bed, he smiles lightly and tries to hide his eyes from her because, much like Sam, she can see right through him. ''Nah.''

''I told you I wanted to do this,'' she says. ''And I'm not going to change my mind. I'm in, Dean. I'm all in. Are you?'' He meets her eyes, looking at her intently. She frowns after a minute of silent study, shuffling uncomfortably. ''Why are you looking at me like that?''

''I've never told you, have I?'' He rises to his feet slowly, taking a step towards her.

She straightens like she's waiting for something and he can't help but smirk at her. ''Told me what?''

He comes to a stop in front of her, looking down at her with warm eyes and the patented Winchester smirk. His feelings for her have been a long kept secret, hidden away in the depths of his mind under lock and key. She's never made it a secret that she cares deeply for him. But he runs so hot and cold with her - one minute clinging to her like she's all he's got, the next pushing her away and distancing himself from her - that he's sure he must give her whiplash. ''That I love you.''

Her eyes widen slightly and her eyes lock with his. It kind of bothers him that she seems to be surprised by this revelation. He had hoped she at least suspected he was in love with her. ''It's not like I can keep that from you, Ruby. We're going to have a kid together. I don't want you to think that you're just another girl to me because you're not. I do love you. And after all these years, I would hope...that you know that.''

When she smiles at him, the world stays still. She doesn't waste time on words that they'll both forget. Instead she lurches forwards, throws her arms around his neck and kisses him soundly. ''I was beginning to wonder if you knew how to say those words,'' she whispers against his lips.

''Bite your tongue.''

* * *

There may be a small problem with them overlooking one little thing.

Wyatt.

* * *

One day, he's got his hand up her shirt and her tongue is doing things that should be outlawed and she's on top of him, pressing her body into his, when she pulls away suddenly and gives him this little frown that tells him she's about to say something potentially mood killing. ''I think we should tell Wyatt.'' Yep.

''Uh...can't that wait until after?''

Her frown deepens and she pushes away from him. ''After what? After I get pregnant or after I give birth?''

''Well,'' he rolls his eyes and sits up. ''I was more thinking after we're finished having sex on your couch.''

''I am not having sex on my couch!'' She yelps, smacking his chest. ''My son watches TV on this couch!''

''Then what was with the tongue action?''

''What? We can't just make out anymore?'' She looks down at her wrinkled clothing, buttoning the top buttons of her shirt. ''Have we already passed that stage of our relationship? That makes me sad.''

Holy crap. He's in a relationship. He's in what appears to be an endgame type relationship, he's trying for a baby, he's already playing dad to the coolest kid on the face of the earth and in less than a year he's going to be torn apart by hell hounds and chucked in a pit of fire and blood. Totally did not see his life going this way. ''Shouldn't we wait until after I knock you up to tell him? I mean, right now there isn't much to tell,'' he says as she buttons up his shirt for him and he tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear. Should it bother him that he's already entered the domesticated, helping each other dress stage as opposed to the helping each other _undress_ stage? Because it strangely doesn't bother him at all.

''What for? We know it's going to happen eventually.''

''But how do we know that? It might not.''

''You're bringing me down, Dean.''

''Oh. Sorry. ...Wanna make out?''

''Yeah, in a minute,'' she says distractedly. ''I really think we should tell him. He may be very mature for his age, but he's going to need time to get used to this. I mean, it's just been me and him his whole life. I worry about how he's going to react to a sibling.'' She's biting her lip and toying with the ring on his finger which tells him two things. One; she's nervous and two; she likes to hold his hand. Heh.

''Okay,'' he drapes an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. ''We'll tell him.''

''Good.''

He allows a minute to go by in comfortable silence and then he makes his move. ''So...wanna make out?''

She sighs and rolls her eyes like she can't believe she's involved with such a childish, immature man. After a moment of silent deliberation, however, she shrugs carelessly and says, ''Yeah, okay,'' and that's why he loves her.

And then her back is on the couch and he's doing his best to make her forget about the no sex on the couch rule. Unfortunately for him, they get as far as unbuttoning each other's shirts again and then the front door opens.

''Oh, _geez._ You guys couldn't save it for the bedroom?''

Ruby lets out a startled shriek and shoves Dean away from her without thinking. He loses his balance and rolls sideways, toppling off both her and the couch and hitting his head on the coffee table on the way to the floor. It's unfortunate, unlucky, painful and is it really too much to ask to get a little alone time? ''Oh!'' Ruby grimaces and jumps to her feet, peering down at him in concern. ''Sorry.''

He groans. ''Seein' stars here.''

In the doorway, Wyatt pushes Sam's hand away from his eyes and blinks innocently, mouth twisted into a confused frown. ''Momma,'' he starts slowly, tilting his head to the side. ''What were you guys _doing_?''

''Nothing, sweetie,'' Ruby laughs nervously, helping Dean to his feet. ''We were just...''

''Wrestling,'' Sam cuts in smoothly. ''They were just wrestling. Now, why don't you show your mom what you made her? Also, Ruby, might I suggest buttoning up?''

''God!''

Dean laughs under his breath when he sees the blush spreading across her cheeks as her fingers frantically work the buttons on her shirt. Seemingly forgetting about the compromising position he just found his mom and, for all intents and purposes, _dad_ in, Wyatt shrugs and his eyes light up as he rushes forwards, thrusting a piece of paper towards his mother. ''I made you this.'' He smiles proudly as she accepts the paper and he positively beams when Dean affectionately ruffles his hair.

''It's beautiful, baby,'' Ruby grins, bending down to kiss his forehead.

''Guess what it is!''

Oh. Busted.

Ruby pauses, looks at the picture for a long time and presses her lips together. ''Uh...'' When she looks to Sam for help, all she gets in response is a helpless shrug.

Still rubbing his _newly wounded head_, Dean looks over her shoulder at the lines and squiggles and while it's painfully obvious Wyatt did not inherit his mother's artistic ability, it's not that hard to figure it out. ''It's a dog,'' he says, tossing a smile in Wyatt's direction.

Ruby looks at him like he's insane and turns the picture sideways when Wyatt isn't looking. ''A...dog?''

''Uh-huh!'' Wyatt reaches out to tug at his mother's arm. ''And I want one just like it!'' ...How about a pesky little brother or sister instead?

Sam snatches the drawing from Ruby's hand to study it critically, looking back and forth between the picture and Dean. ''How'd you - ''

''It's obvious.''

''It is?'' Sam frowns, squints at the picture and then gives up. ''Either that or that fall scrambled your brains and all you can understand is children's drawings.''

''What was that? I didn't understand that.''

''Ha ha.''

''Wyatt,'' Ruby interrupts the boy's brotherly banter before they can go any further, taking her son's hand and leading him to the couch. ''Honey, listen, Dean and I have something we want to tell you.''

Dean sends her a look over his shoulder. ''Now?''

''Yes, now.''

Well, great. He had kinda been hoping she would take this one on her own. With a dramatic sigh, he takes a seat next to Ruby and doesn't say a word.

''Why are you guys looking at me like that?'' Wyatt finally asks, breaking the silence and sending his mother an odd look.

''Yeah,'' Sam echoes. ''Why are you guys looking at him like that?''

While Dean leans over to smack Sam upside the head, Ruby apparently decides to take the gentle, motherly approach, taking Wyatt's hands in her own. ''Wyatt, baby, you know I love you. And you know Dean loves you too. And you know that we will always love you. You were my first baby and I-I know that it's just been you and me against the world since you were born, but...but...''

''Okay,'' Dean butts in before she can get all teary, putting a hand on Ruby's back and leaning towards Wyatt. ''Kid, how old are you now? Sixteen? Twenty one?''

Wyatt rolls his eyes at the lame attempt at a joke. ''I'm four,'' he deadpans.

''Right. Four. You're practically a man then. What do you say? Can we have a man to man talk?''

Wyatt perks up at that, pushing himself onto his knees. ''Okay!'' He's this close to bouncing up and down in excitement, but when he realizes that might not be a _man_ thing to do he stops, clears his throat and nods seriously. ''I mean..._okay_.''

''Great,'' Dean smiles patiently and drops his chin into the palm of his hand. ''So...you think I'm cool, right?''

At that, Sam groans and throws a hand over his face and Ruby scoffs and folds her arms across her chest, sinking into the couch cushions. Wyatt ignores them both, bobbing his head up and down, looking very serious. ''Yeah.''

''And I'm a big brother, aren't I?''

''...Yeah.''

''And as far as little brothers go,'' Dean gestures towards Sam with a smirk. ''_He's_ not that bad, is he?''

Wyatt giggles and sends a glance in Sam's direction. ''No. He's not bad.''

''So, don't you think it'd be cool to be a big brother and have a little brother - ''

''Or sister,'' Ruby pipes up.

''Or sister,'' Dean relents. ''I think you'd be a great big brother.''

All eyes go to Wyatt. He thinks about it for a moment, thoughtful frown on his face and everyone seems to hold their breath in anticipation. ''...You mean...be like you?''

''Kind of.''

''I think...'' Wyatt pauses like he's struggling for the right words. ''I think that'd be...awesome.''

A collective sigh of relief rings throughout the room and Dean smiles widely, tossing a look in Ruby's direction that clearly says 'I told you so' because he knew the whole time that Wyatt would be perfectly fine with this, didn't he?

''Wyatt,'' Ruby sits up and gently brushes a hand over her son's cheek, not even flinching when he jerks away from her with an embarrassed huff like it's _so totally not cool to do that, Mom, duh; you should know this_. ''Does this mean you won't be upset if Dean and I had a baby?''

''Why would I be upset? Then I'd get to be a big brother, right?''

She laughs. ''Yes, baby. You'd get to be a big brother.''

''Okay,'' he shrugs. ''Cool.'' Before he has a chance to say another word, his mother has pulled her to him in a bone crushing hug. Wyatt groans against her, barely able to get his arm free in order to smack Dean's outstretched hand in a high five. ''Momma,'' he sighs. ''Momma..._Mom_, you're embarrassin' me.''

''I don't care.''

''Ruby,'' Dean reaches forwards and attempt to separate the two. Attempt being the keyword here since Ruby has a shockingly strong grip. ''You're suffocating the poor boy.''

When Ruby finally releases Wyatt, the boy pulls away and grumbles, smoothing down his clothes. He shakes his head, sends his mother a dirty look and hops off the couch, grabbing his forgotten picture. ''I'll go put this on the fridge,'' he says. He starts out of the room but pauses briefly and turns back. ''Hey,'' he tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. ''Does this mean we're kinda sorta like a family now?''

While Sam's lips twitch and Ruby looks like she's three seconds away from getting all mushy, Dean smiles one of those rare genuine smiles and nods. ''Yeah, buddy. Kinda sorta.''

The touching moment is, of course, soon ruined by Dean's libido.

''Well, this has been a romping good time, Sammy boy,'' he smirks, standing and hauling Ruby to her feet. ''But Ruby and I had plans to make one _gorgeous_ baby so...watch Wyatt.'' And then he's throwing Ruby over his shoulder and making a mad dash towards the stairs.

It's only when, over the sound of Ruby's laughter, he hears Dean's ''Chaaarge!'' that Sam decides it is definitely time to stop letting Dean watch the Turner Classic Movie channel.

* * *

Dean is right about one thing. He is good at getting things done. And fate, while usually cruel and cold towards the Winchesters, must decide to grow a heart.

Just this once.

* * *

Despite his newfound schedule of domestication and lots and lots of sex, Dean knows there is still a job to be done. Which unfortunately means leaving Ruby and Wyatt behind for short (he does his best to keep them _short_) periods of time. Being without them leaves him more miserable than he'd like to admit and he's got to give props to Sam. The kid deals with his snappy moods and brooding remarkably well.

Could it possibly be because he has 20+ years of experience?

It's during one of these many hunting trips that the call comes in. Oh, no. Wait. _The Call_. THE CALL. All capitals.

He's tired and bruised and he's just about to burn his tongue on cheap, tasteless gas station coffee when his cell phone rings. He jumps and narrowly avoids getting other parts of his body burned, cursing madly as coffee sloshes over the rim of his cup and onto the cold pavement. He glares and takes a second to punch Sam on the shoulder when he laughs, before he fishes out his phone. Without bothering to check caller ID, he grinds out an irritable ''Hello?'' through his teeth and actually hopes it is someone he doesn't like so he can turn his frustration onto them.

_''Hi.''_

He softens instantly, throwing his coffee in the trash because a) it sucks ass and b) there are other things he can get to perk him up (and get your mind out of the gutter, he doesn't mean phone sex. Although, that'd be awesome too). ''Hey.'' Even he notices how suddenly brighter his mood is. It's odd. Oh, Lord, what she does to him. Behind him, Sam's rolling his eyes and no doubt biting back some kind of comment about how sickeningly sweet their relationship is. ''What's up? Is Wyatt okay? You sound funny.''

_''Dean...''_

The soft, delicate tone of her voice makes him panic, heart dropping to his stomach. ''Ruby, what's wrong? Is everything okay?''

_''Everything's...Everything's great. Dean...we did it.''_

He freezes and can't breathe. He actually comes this close to toppling over. ''You're...You're...''

_''I'm pregnant,''_ she says and he can hear the tears and the pure joy in her voice.

He knows he should know how to react to this news. After all, this is what they've been waiting for, isn't it? But he doesn't know. Not really. All he knows is that his heart is pounding loudly, there are so many words stuck in his throat and there is a staggeringly powerful feeling spreading throughout his body. It's pretty fucking incredibly actually. ''Are you sure?'' He manages to croak out after a moment.

_''Yeah,''_ he hears her choked laugh on the other line and a small, astonished smile starts on his lips. _''I took five tests and just to be sure, I went to the doctor's. They just got my test results back and...I'm definitely knocked up.''_

He remains frozen, fingers glued to his cell phone. It's only after she prompts him with a ''say something, Dean,'' that he's finally able to find his voice. ''I'm comin' home.''

* * *

Sometime after hanging up, he practically tumbles into the driver's seat, still very much in shock and that's when he allows himself to feel. Along with the shock and the expected paralyzing fear, there's also a commanding sense of utter bliss that he's never felt before. That's when he reacts. A boisterous laugh escapes his lips, followed by an exuberant show of happiness that startles his brother.

''Dean, what - ''

''We're having a baby, Sammy!''

And that's the best feeling he's had in a long time.

* * *

The first thing she does when he gets home (_home_. He has a _home_ now) is throw herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. The second thing she does is kiss him senseless. And he...he just holds her like he never wants to let her go, inhaling her familiar scent and burying his face in her blond hair. It kind of makes him feel a little guilty that her pregnancy is what makes him realize something very important. She's not just another girl to him, she's not just a friend or a lover or the mother of his child.

She's everything.

* * *

He doesn't mean for it to be so blunt. He thinks that because it's her, he should have made some big, lavish plan to dazzle her. But that's not who he is and he doesn't want to pretend to be some big, romance novel like hero.

They're lying in bed and his fingers are tracing circles on her still flat stomach and honestly, he's not all that certain if everything has sunk in just yet. She's smiling that gorgeous smile of hers, looking sleepy and beautiful, curled into his side. When his hand stills, resting comfortably on her abdomen, she places her hand over his and looks up to meet his eyes. ''Does it scare you?'' She asks quietly and it's a serious question but the smile is still glowing on her lips like a light in the dark.

''Yes,'' he answers honestly. He just isn't sure what scares him most. Impending fatherhood, the time that's slipping away or what he's about to do.

She places a hand on his cheek and her eyes sparkle like they always have. ''Sometimes a little fear can be wonderful, Dean.''

And he isn't sure what to say to that so he leans down and captures her lips in his. A moment later, she's breathing contentedly at his side and he's playing with her hair and that's when he does it. Just like that. ''You know what I want?'' He murmurs quietly.

''A baby?'' She quips. ''Oh, no. Wait...''

He smiles lightly and lifts her chin to meet his eyes. ''I wanna marry you.''

* * *

Wow.

So...He never realized women could get so pissed when you asked them to marry you. Seriously. Ruby hasn't spoken to him once since he proposed. And _okay_, maybe it wasn't the most romantic proposal ever but he was asking her to marry him, was he not? Doesn't that count for anything?

The next morning, during the usual morning rush, he attempts to talk to her about it but she speaks over his fumbling words to address Wyatt about his homework. Dean grumbles under his breath and sips at his coffee, positive that was a brush off because really, what kind of kindergarten teacher gives out homework? She doesn't look at him, even when she's hopping around on one foot, demanding to know where her other heel is. And she barely even mumbles a ''thanks'' when he helpfully retrieves the aforementioned heel from under the table.

It's really starting to piss him off. I mean, he asked her to marry him. _Marry him_. And this is how she repays him? How rude.

He catches her arm before she can escape from him, under the guise of work and taking Wyatt to school. ''Ruby, are we ever going to talk about this?''

She sends him one of those withering glares of hers that intimidate everyone. ''There's nothing to talk about.''

''Ruby,'' he takes a step towards her, lowering his voice to keep Wyatt from hearing. ''I asked you to marry me. Does that mean nothing to you?''

''The only reason you asked me to marry you,'' she snaps bitterly. ''Is because I'm carrying your child and you're going to die so you know you won't have to - ''

''No, Ruby. That's _not_ why I asked you. I asked you because - ''

''I can't do this right now, Dean,'' she interrupts, avoiding his eyes like a pro. ''I have to get Wyatt to school. Just...'' She sighs heavily and brings her eyes to his, an unreadable expression on her face. ''Can we talk about this later?''

He wants to say no. He wants to tell her that they need to talk about this now, but he's scared if he pushes her, he'll push her too far and she'll give up on them. Nodding lightly, he lets her arm drop and steps away from her. ''Later,'' he says. He watches her go, desperately trying to figure out what the fuck he did wrong. Is it because he didn't have a ring? It's because he didn't have a ring, isn't it? Or maybe because there was no speech? Because he didn't get down on one knee?

Whatever the reason, she's wrong. She's dead wrong. This isn't about the fact that she's pregnant or the fact that he's going to die. He asked her because he loves her. Because she's it for him. His only problem is that he has no idea how to make her realize that.

* * *

Ruby comes home tired and cranky, kisses both Wyatt and Sam on the cheek and disappears upstairs before Dean can even say a word to her. Huh.

''Wow,'' Sam muses, absently taking over for Dean at the stove because Dean seems to be kind of frozen, eyes staring at the spot she was standing. ''She really is mad.''

''Yeah, thanks. I actually knew that. And...'' He steps away from the stove, mouth turned downwards into a frown. ''I didn't even do anything wrong this time. I asked her to marry me. Most women would love that. She's just...She's just abnormal.''

''Hey,'' Wyatt looks up from his dinner sharply and narrows his eyes, pointing a fork at Dean in what he probably thinks is a threatening manner. ''That's my mom, dude.''

''Right, yes. Sorry. But don't point cutlery at people.''

''Dean,'' Sam says helpfully. ''You, of all people, should know that Ruby is not like most women.''

Wyatt nods. '' 'Cause she's _my_ mom. Nobody else is my mom. And she's not ab...abby...what you said.''

''Abnormal.''

''Yeah, that.''

With a sigh, Dean turns his head towards the door. Okay, you know what? Enough. ''I'll be back,'' he promises, pushing through the door. About a second goes by and then he pops his head back in with a smirk. ''By the way, Sam, you should know that Wyatt's trying to sneak his vegetables onto your plate.''

Sam whirls around just in time to catch Wyatt with a piece of broccoli seconds away from dropping onto his plate. The boy looks momentarily stunned, but recovers quickly with a small smile and a wave. ''Uh...hi. I just thought...you could use more veggies. They're very good for you, you know.''

* * *

Dean finds her in the bedroom, kicking off her heels and looking incredibly tired. In theory, he could wait until she's in a better mood to have such a heavy conversation. But he doesn't do that. That would be logical.

''Dean,'' she sighs wearily and releases her hair from the messy bun. ''Now's not the best - ''

''Ruby, why do you think I proposed to you?''

She stills in her attempts to take off her earrings and turns towards him slowly, one earring still left on. ''I think you proposed...'' She chews on her lip nervously as if searching for the right words. ''Because I'm pregnant and you think it's the right thing to do. And I'm flattered, Dean. Really I am. But I don't - ''

''You're an idiot.''

In hindsight, he probably could have handled that a little better.

Her eyes darken and he's about 95% sure she's getting ready to hurl one of her heels at his head. ''Excuse me?''

''Just listen to me for a second, all right?''

She crosses her arms and looks entirely unimpressed, but she lets him go on anyway.

''You're insane,'' he tells her and she blinks at him, most likely wondering if this is seriously his pitch. He doesn't notice because he's actually incredibly nervous and isn't that just weird? Most women don't make him nervous. She is not most women. ''I mean, you're really fucking_ insane_. I'm talking legitimately crazy here. One minute you'll be smiling that stupid, beautiful..._wonderful_ smile of yours and the next you'll be bawling your friggin' eyes out and the change happens so fast it actually makes the people around you jump. You're incredibly rude and insensitive and blunt, but you're also...so sweet and so loving and you're the best mom a kid could ever hope to have. You can dish out the insults at amazing speeds but when someone throws one back at you it's like it bounces right off and that's not fair. And...you take care of us. You take care of me and you take care of Sammy, even though you shouldn't have to.''

He stops to take a breath and doesn't seem to be aware that he's moving closer to her. ''You talk to people who aren't there. Which helps along with the insane theory. Your mother, your father...you talk to them like they're still here. You keep..._hitting me_, which actually really hurts because you're surprisingly strong for such a tiny little woman. You're like this sweet, girl next door type and yet you've managed to intimidate every person you've ever met because you're_ so _beautiful and your eyes have a tendency to pierce right through someone like they're not even there. So, yeah. You're really fucking insane. Sometimes I wonder how many people live inside your head.''

She stares at him like she can't decide whether to burst into tears, kill him dead or jump his bones.

''But you know what?'' He continues breathlessly. ''None of that matters. It doesn't matter how insane you are, how mad you can make me, it doesn't. At all. Because I still feel something for you that I haven't felt for..._anyone_. Not ever. I don't care how amazingly frustrating you are, I don't care that even though I know everything about you, all your secrets, you still feel like a mystery to me because that makes you _more _incredible. Sweetheart, you are the most extraordinary woman I have ever met and I...I am so in love with you. And if I have to get a little crazy to be with you then let's get crazy because I want you. I want to be with you, I want to sleep next to you while I still can and take Wyatt to school and make you dinner and I want to do things to you that are illegal in some states. I want to _marry_ you, Ruby. I want to marry you so that I can at least call you my wife once before I die because if I don't...If I don't marry you right now, I'll regret it forever. Besides, I guarantee you that I can out crazy you any day.''

She's still staring at him, eyes wide, breathing unsteady and he can see the way her eyes glitter in the light. When she doesn't say anything, he shifts nervously from foot to foot and grimaces. ''Okay...Ruby...I am _not _that guy. I'm not that guy who stands in the pouring rain and makes a list of why he loves the girl because honestly, I think that makin' stupid speeches is a dumbass thing to do. But here I am. I'm standing here, makin' this big, pansy ass speech because you...you make me want to be a dumbass. And I'm really going to need you to say something soon because I've talked a lot and now my throat is very dry and - ''

Given the choice between bursting into tears, killing him dead or jumping his bones...she chooses option three. Catapulting herself forwards, she presses her lips to his and kisses him senseless. ''Okay then,'' she murmurs, pulling away just enough to smile against his lips. ''Let's get crazy, Winchester.''

He draws away from her before she can kiss him again because he knows if she kisses him like that one more time, the point he is trying to make will be completely forgotten. He searches her eyes thoroughly, trying to figure out what her answer is. ''Is that a yes?''

She pauses and looks at him for a moment before placing a hand on his cheek. ''Ask me again,'' she whispers. ''Do it right this time.''

''Right,'' he repeats. ''What? Like, you mean you want me to get down on one knee?''

''Well, maybe you don't have to go that far.''

He does it anyway. Mostly because it makes her smile and like he said, she has a crazy beautiful smile. ''Ruby,'' he starts, threading his fingers through his. ''Will you marry me?''

She lets out a choked sounding laugh and smiles through her tears. ''Yes, I'll marry you.''

(This is how it was _always_ meant to be.)

**end part one**

**

* * *

**

**AN: So there you go. There's part one. I have to say, that speech part at the end? Hardest thing I have ever had to write. Oh, and before I forget did anyone get that Arsenic and Old Lace reference in there? I could not help myself. This first part was pretty fluffy, I have to admit. Part two, however, promises to be pretty angsty, with a hefty side helping of fluffiness.**

**Right, so...part two. Like I said, I'm not sure when it'll be up because there's some family drama going on here, but I am working on it. I promise.**


	3. Until the Sky Falls Down

_AN: I don't even know. I just thought I'd post this dark and depressing alternate ending before I leave for a month. I've had it written since May. I honestly don't know why I haven't posted it before. Probably because it's depressing as shit._

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**The Air I Breathe**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

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**Title: **_Until the Sky Falls Down  
_**Summary:** Wyatt 'verse AU: Alternate ending to 'well, bless my soul.' The world stops on a Thursday in the middle of the night...  
**Genre: **Angst/Drama.  
**Rating: **T for dark themes.  
**Timeline:** Set about mid season four. It's right before Ruby was possessed in 'wbms.'  
**Spoilers:** I'd say spoilers for the entire series.  
**Warnings:** Character death, dark themes.  
**Notes: **As mentioned above, this story is actually an alternate ending to 'well, bless my soul.' Let me warn you right now, you might need some tissues. MAJOR TISSUE ALERT, MY PEEPS! I am not kidding. This is not a happy story. If you're looking for a happy story, this is not the story for you. You have been warned.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters you recognize. I also do not own the poem ''The Hollow Men'' by T.S. Eliot.

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_Until the Sky Falls Down_

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_this is the way the world ends  
__this is the way the world ends  
__this is the way the world ends  
__not with a bang but a whimper_

**-t.s. eliot**

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The world stops on a Thursday in the middle of the night.

Ruby bleeds out on her kitchen floor just before dawn. She chokes on her own blood and tries to say all of the things she has been meaning to say, and she cries and says over and over again that she doesn't want to go. And then she's gone.

Just like that.

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It all happens very fast. Everything starts in the middle of the night, and it is just before dawn by the time it's all over. It doesn't feel quick while it's happening. It feels like thirty three million years pass while he's trying to get to her. They're not far from her house because they had been planning on spending a weekend with her and Wyatt. Sam thought it would cheer Dean up. They would have been there tonight but Dean had been drinking and he didn't want Ruby and Wyatt to see him like that.

It sounds like such a weak excuse now. Selfish and pathetic. If he had just gotten his shit together, he could've been there with her. He could have protected her. She wouldn't have been _alone._

The call comes in while he's passed out on an uncomfortable motel bed and the world stops when Dean answers it.

Ever since Hell, he's trained himself to be a light sleeper so that the minute nightmares of Hell start to take over, he'll be able to wake up and drown himself in whatever liquor is handy. So, naturally, when the light buzzing of his cell phone sounds through the room and the screen glows in the dark, he wakes up. Groggy, exhausted, not completely sober and aching from everything that is going on in his life, he blindly reaches for his phone and rolls over onto his back to glance at the caller ID. Her name lights up the screen like her smile lights up a room and he pushes himself onto his elbows, answering with a rough sounding, ''Ruby?''

_''Dean!''_

The whispered, urgent sounding voice is high pitched and terrified and most definitely not Ruby's. ''Wyatt?'' He bolts upright, fingers clutching the phone tightly. ''Wyatt, what's wrong?''

In the other bed, Sam is slowly waking up, tiredly looking towards his brother. When he hears the urgency in Dean's last words, he suddenly looks wide awake, pushing himself into a sitting position.

_''You have to come now,''_ Wyatt cries out, sounding tearful._ ''Right now, o-okay? Because Mommy needs you. She's...She's...''_

The call cuts out.

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They get there too late. Actually, they don't get there too late. That's the problem. They get there too _early._ They burst in with guns blazing and the moronic demon bitch that is doing this gets spooked by their sudden appearance.

Everything looks quiet and peaceful at the Daniels' residence, but Dean knows enough by now to know that appearances can be deceiving. The lights are on inside, which could be considered odd because of the late hour but Dean knows that Ruby has sleeping problems. She told him once that she hasn't had a really good night's sleep since she was thirteen and her mother went out to get milk and didn't come home. He knows what that's like. He hasn't had a good night's sleep since he was four.

The quiet unnerves him. It's an unnatural sort of quiet. Everything is so still and so silent. It reminds him way too much of the calm before the storm theory.

Adrenaline kicks in sometime during the short second it takes him to break the stupid little ceramic duck that holds the spare key, and then it happens fast. All he can hear is the blood rushing to his head and all he can feel is his heart pounding so fast that he is legitimately frightened it will simply stop. There are crashes coming from the kitchen and a dull thump coming from upstairs and this would be the part where some grand master plan to save all kicks in, right?

Yeah, well, he's got nothing.

There's about a second of standing frozen in terror, and then Dean is shoving Sam towards the stairs and begging him to go upstairs, find Wyatt, get him out and don't come back. _Make sure he's all right, make sure he's safe, then get him out and don't come back. Don't come back, Sam. Do you understand me? That's an order._

And the rest is so _fast. _It's hard to get over how fast it happens. It shouldn't be this fast. It shouldn't be so sudden. There's no warning, there's no...Nobody has time to prepare themselves for life after this night. Nobody's _ready._

Dean bursts into the kitchen and fucks up the demon's master plan by getting there too early. The demon who is holding Ruby by the hair looks at him with black eyes and everything freezes for just a second. The sudden shift, the sudden change in plans, it scares this amateur demon chick. So she does what any truly evil bitch would do. She cuts her losses. In less than a minute, she pins Dean against the wall and plunges a nearby kitchen knife right into Ruby's stomach before he can even attempt to bargain with her.

_No. Oh no. Oh, god, no. No, please. Not her._

It really scares him how Ruby barely makes a sound as the blade cuts through her like a stick of butter.

The demon twists the knife, pulls it out, lets it clatter to the floor and then she turns on her heel and runs.

Dean doesn't bother to follow. The invisible pressure against his chest, holding him back against the wall, dissipates and he slumps to the ground. At the same time, Ruby brings a hand to her stomach briefly and when she sees the blood coating her hand, her eyes widen and she breathes out a quiet, ''Oh no'' before she crumples and falls to the ground like a doll.

He pushes off the wall and crawls across the floor to get to her. He has to swallow his heart because it has leapt into his throat as if it's trying to crawl right out of his mouth. Do you see now? Do you see how much he loves her? How much he needs her? He's willing to spit up his own heart and give it to her just to keep her here. ''Ruby...'' He gathers her in his arms and tries to concentrate on keeping her from bleeding to death. Anything to stop thinking about losing her. He yanks the dish towel off the oven handle and presses it tight against the fucking _hole_ in her stomach, whispering her name again.

''Wyatt,'' she gasps out through heaving breaths. ''Where's...Where's Wyatt? Where's my son?''

''He's fine,'' Dean soothes, and hopes it's not a lie. ''Ruby, it's okay. He's okay. Sam's got him. Just relax, all right? Just _breathe._''

That would be, of course, the moment Sam decides to disobey orders, like he tends to do, by coming back. The door bangs open and Sam all but tumbles through the door like he's ready to fight. He freezes momentarily when he spots Ruby and all the blood, lips parting in shock and eyes widening.

''Sam,'' Dean doesn't know how he manages to keep his voice even close to calm, but somehow he does, speaking in a low, steady voice. ''Sam,'' he says calmly, locking eyes with his brother. ''Listen to me. You need to call 911 and then you need to call Cas. And whatever you do, please...please keep Wyatt out of here. He doesn't need to see this. Please, Sam. Just _go_.''

When Sam is gone and Dean stops trying to pretend he isn't cracking, he looks back at Ruby and watches tears pool in her eyes and drip down her cheeks, getting lost in her hair. Her blood feels warm between his fingers; it's beginning to coat his hands and the dish towel is nearly soaked through. He can't save her like this. He can't save her with a dish towel. ''Dean...'' She sounds like she's pleading, eyes bright with tears, one hand grasping at his jacket tightly. ''Dean, I can't...I can't go yet. I'm not ready.''

''No.'' He shakes his head adamantly, looking around desperately for something to stem the flow of blood. Something that will work better than this measly little cloth. ''You're not going anywhere,'' he promises. He should know better than to make promises he can't keep. He spies a jacket draped over one of the chairs in the corner, paper towels on the counter and curtains in the window. He goes for the jacket, practically diving for it with his bloody hands.

She starts coughing when he's pressing the jacket to her stomach and blood starts to dribble out of the corner of her mouth. That is not a good sign. He knows that's not a good sign. ''Dean,'' she chokes on a sob; it gets caught in her throat and all that comes out of her mouth is more blood. One of her shaking hands is clutching her stomach like she's trying to keep her insides on the _inside_. The other hand is still holding onto his jacket. ''Don't...Don't go, okay? I don't want...I don't want to die alone like my parents did.''

All those false pretenses and all that imaginary calm is gone now, completely wiped out by panic and desperation. All that's left behind is a frantic, helpless man with blood on his hands. He hates how often he is in this position. ''No,'' he snarls out again. ''No. You're not going to die. You don't... Ruby, you don't get to do this. You don't _get_ to go. You hear me? You don't get to leave me here!''

''I'm sorry,'' she cries.

''Don't be sorry,'' he rasps. ''Just don't close your eyes. Don't go to sleep.''

''I don't want to go,'' she coughs out, moving from clutching his jacket to clutching his shirt. ''I don't want to go. Why can't I stay? I want to stay. Why can't I...Why can't I stay?''

''Hey,'' his voice hitches and catches in his throat, but he does his very best to smile for her even though his eyes are burning and the blood just keeps coming. ''Hey, you know what? You know what I'm gonna do when you're all patched up? I'm gonna marry you. How does that sound? We'll get married and we'll go someplace nice...somewhere far away. We'll go anywhere you want. ...And I'll stop hunting. We'll settle down together, you, me and Wyatt. You can have all of me, Ruby. I'll give you all of it. How does that sound? Do you want that? Do you want to marry me?''

''Of course I want to marry you.'' She smiles weakly, through all the tears and the blood. ''That sounds wonderful. ...Like a dream.''

''Because...Because it's not even that bad,'' he lies. He's been here before, you know. He _hates_ it here. He's been swimming in denial before with Sam. It's so much colder than you would expect. Like ice. ''You'll be fine. Good as new. And then we'll get married. Fuck, let's get married right now. When Cas comes, he'll heal you and then we'll go get married. Tonight. Cas! _Cas!_''

''Say it, Dean,'' she begs, sounding quiet and broken. ''Just...Just this one time...this one last time...Say it. ...Tell me you love me, Dean. P-Please tell me before I go.''

''I love you,'' he says. ''I love you, Ruby. You know I love you. And you're not goin' anywhere. I don't even...I don't even know what there was before you.'' What he does know is that there sure as hell isn't anything after her. He never even imagined. He was always supposed to go first.

''I love you too,'' she nods. ''You know...'' She breaks off in another cough that racks her entire body with violent spasms. Blood runs out of her mouth and he listens for sirens or the flapping of wings. ''You know,'' she begins again. ''Sometimes...Sometimes I look at you and...and it's like I was born to love you. I was made for you. And...it wasn't supposed to end like this.''

''It won't end like this,'' he protests vehemently. ''It can't.''

''You and I...We both know...''

''Then let me go with you!'' He's certain he's full on blubbering like a fool now, chest aching with cries and sobs and screams he won't let out. ''Please let me go with you. Cas! Goddamn it, Castiel! Ruby, don't go to sleep! Stay awake. Stay with me.''

She flat out ignores his ramblings, peering up at him with droopy, glassy eyes. Her body is trembling now and she's still crying. The blood won't stop. It won't stop, and he thinks he should know what to do but he doesn't. ''Tell Wyatt,'' she murmurs. ''Tell him to...to be brave, okay? Will you tell him? Tell him to be good. Tell him about...Tell him about me. M-Make sure he...remembers. Don't...Don't let...Don't let him forget. I don't want him to forget.'' Any slip of composure he might have had flies out the window when she starts talking about her son. There are so many things he wants to tell her, things he's been waiting to say to her, but there isn't enough time anymore. There should be more time. They had all the time in the world just this morning. ''Tell him I love him,'' she slurs. ''Tell him I tried...that I wanted to stay.'' Her face twists and contorts in pain and grief and he holds her tighter because at this point it's all he can do. ''Dean,'' she whimpers. ''I-I'm...I'm...c-cold.''

''I know,'' he whispers, holding her against his chest like he thinks if he holds her just right his heart can beat for hers and keep her here. ''I know, sweetheart.'' Shining green irises flick upwards towards the heavens. ''Cas,'' he croaks out. ''Cas, please. ...Please.'' _Pleasepleaseplease. Don't take her. Take me instead. She didn't do anything wrong. She has a son! Little boys need their mothers. They need their mothers..._

''S-Say it again,'' she whispers faintly, voice muffled by his chest.

''I love you,'' he manages to get out hoarsely.

''Again.''

''I love you.''

''Again. ...Once more...''

''I love you, Ruby.''

Her grip on his shirt begins to loosen. ''I'm...I'm not afraid.''

''Well, I am!''

She doesn't appear to have heard him, breathing slowing down drastically. He can feel her heartbeat against his chest. It's slow and unsteady. Sirens scream somewhere in the distance. They won't get here in time. ''I'm not afraid,'' she says again, voice barely audible. ''Daddy...I'm not...I'm not...afraid.''

His heart drops to the pit of his stomach and he pulls her away from him to look at her. Her eyes are closed and her head lolls to the side when he lays her back down on the ground. ''Ruby? Ruby! Hey!'' He takes her face in his bloodstained hands, smearing the crimson on her pale face. ''Sweetheart, look at me. Open your eyes!'' Her hand falls limply to her side as the sirens close in on them. She doesn't open her eyes and very quietly, almost serenely, her chest stills.

Someone is screaming in the distance, loud and anguished. It takes him a moment to realize it's Wyatt as if somehow, someway, he just knows his mother is gone.

Despite the screaming and the sirens, everything oddly goes quiet and still when she does. The world stops turning in the middle of the night when Ruby dies on her kitchen floor. There is no way around that. That is just a fact. Everything dims and stops.

Dean cannot remember how to restart it all.

**end**

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**AN: Yeah, so. Sorry about leaving you guys with depressing shit and/or cliffhangers such as the one in Everything You Want. Oh, well. When I get back, I'll have more uplifting reads for you guys. I promise.**

**Toodles!**

**I'll see you in September!**


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